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  STRIKE THREE

  Easily the most puzzling and disappointing incident in the sports world occurs in baseball when a batter steps up to the plate and proceeds to let the pitcher throw three strikes without taking a single cut at the ball. Three golden opportunities to at least advance a runner, get on base himself, or maybe even hit a home run, and he never moves the bat from his shoulder. The reason is simple. He “saw” himself striking out, being put out, or maybe even hitting into a double play. He left his bat on his shoulder, hoping for a “walk”—a free ride to first base.

  Even more disappointing is to see a person in the ball game of life step up to the plate and never really take a cut at the ball. He is the biggest failure of all, according to Larry Kimsey, M.D., because he doesn’t try. If you try and lose, you can learn from losing, which greatly reduces the loss. Obviously, there is little you can learn from doing nothing. These people serve as their own judge and jury, and sentence themselves to a life in the prison of mediocrity. They never really get in the game of life and take an honest cut at the ball. They serve as their own worst enemy, and the blindest umpire of all. Their self-image is that of falling—failing—or striking out. Unfortunately, their mind then completes the picture and another person of ability joins the scrap heap of “could have been.” The late Dr. Maxwell Maltz, internationally famous plastic surgeon and author of “self-help” books that sold over 10,000,000 copies, said this is the reason the goal of any form of psychotherapy is to change the self-image of the patient.

  YA GOTTA BELIEVE—IN YOU

  The starting point for both success and happiness is a healthy self-image. Dr. Joyce Brothers, well-known author, columnist, and psychologist, says, “An individual’s self-concept is the core of his personality. It affects every aspect of human behavior: the ability to learn, the capacity to grow and change, the choice of friends, mates, and careers. It’s no exaggeration to say that a strong positive self-image is the best possible preparation for success in life.”

  You must accept yourself before you can really like anyone else or before you can accept the fact that you deserve success and happiness. Motivation, goal setting, positive thinking, etc., won’t work for you until you accept yourself. You must feel you “deserve” success, happiness, etc., before those things will be yours. The person with a poor self-image can easily see how positive thinking, goal setting, etc., would work for others, but not for himself.

  Let me stress that I am talking about a healthy self-acceptance and not a super-inflated “I am the greatest” ego. Of the diseases known to man, conceit is the weirdest of them all. It makes everyone sick except the one who has it. (Actually, the individual with a bad case of “I” trouble is really suffering from an extremely poor self-image.)

  THE HITCHHIKER

  Since so many people are unaware of the enormous potential that lies within even an uneducated mind, I would like to share a personal experience to illustrate a point. Several years ago I picked up a hitchhiker. As soon as he seated himself, I knew I had made a mistake because he had been drinking a little and was talking a lot. He soon revealed he had just been released from prison where he had served eighteen months for bootlegging. When I asked if he had acquired any knowledge he could use once he was released, he enthusiastically replied he had learned the name of every county in every state in the United States, including the parishes in Louisiana.

  Frankly, I thought he was lying so I challenged him to prove what he was saying. I selected South Carolina as a test state since I had lived there nearly eighteen years. My rider, who had a limited education, proceeded to demonstrate that he did know the names of all the counties in that state and was anxious to prove he knew the others as well. I have no idea why he selected this particular project and spent so much time acquiring apparently useless information. The point, however, is that even though he was formally uneducated, his mind was capable of acquiring and storing an enormous amount of information. So is yours, but I hope you concentrate on learning and then applying usable information to life’s daily opportunities. Unfortunately, many “educated” people never succeed in life because they are not “motivated” to put their imagination to work to utilize their knowledge.

  One point you need to clearly understand is that education and intelligence are not the same thing. Three of the most intelligent and successful people I know finished the 3rd, 5th, and 8th grades. Henry Ford quit school at 14 and Thomas J. Watson, founder of IBM, went from being a $6.00 a week salesman to chairman of the board. Many of the successful people I mention through the pages of this book have even less education, yet they made it—and made it big—in this highly technical world, so a limited “formal” education is no excuse and certainly no reason to have a poor self-image. Obviously, education is important, but dedication is even more important. This book was not written just to “educate” or inform you, though I certainly expect you to learn a number of things from it. It was written to help you get rid of excuses for failure and give you reasons and methods to succeed while urging you to dedicate yourself to utilizing the potential you possess.

  THE $100,000 FAILURE

  In many ways, things are relevant. One man who earns $100,000 a year could well be judged a failure if he is capable of earning five times that amount. On the other hand, one who earns $20,000 per year could be an overwhelming success, if he is using a high portion of his talents and abilities. I know talents vary and in the ability department we are not all created equal. I also know none of us use all our ability. In fact, very few of us even use most of our ability. One of my goals in this book is to convince you that you have more ability than you think, and then to motivate you to use more of that ability.

  Earlier, I mentioned earnings as a mark of success primarily because money is a familiar yardstick by which we can measure a contribution. Regardless of what your occupation might be, there are others with the same opportunity who earn considerably less money, and still others who earn a great deal more. In the final analysis, opportunity for growth and service lies with the individual. Almost without exception you can measure a person’s contribution to society in terms of dollars. The more he contributes the more he earns.

  SERVE NOW—EARN LATER

  Now, before you jump more than six feet off the ground, let me hasten to add I did say “almost.” I personally know some teachers who make very little money and others who earn large amounts. The same is true of doctors, lawyers, salesmen, ministers, truck drivers, secretaries, etc. As you view the individual, you discover that those who are earning the most money are generally making larger contributions, but there are some obvious exceptions.

  The dedicated teacher who chooses to remain in a remote mountain or rural area or in a tenement area school is an example. He or she might be the only hope many of the children have for raising the ceilings their families might have set for them. The dedicated minister who chooses to remain in a small local area because he fervently believes God chose him to serve that specific community is another. Generally speaking, however, the well-paid minister, teacher, or leader is rendering more service to more people. The same is true of the doctor, truck driver, salesman, etc.

  The oft-repeated philosophy “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want” is another way of saying if you serve more, you earn more.

  From time to time some of my Christian friends ask me how I reconcile my Christian beliefs with my view on money. I always smile and tell them that I believe God made the diamonds for His folks and not Satan’s crowd. All you’ve got to do to verify this is check the record. Read what God said in Malachi 3:10, Psalms 1:3, and III John 2, and I believe you will agree that money is scripturally okay. (Solomon was the richest man who ever lived, Abraham had cattle on a thousand hills, and Job would not have qualified for food stamps.) The only admonition God gives us is that we must not make money or anything else our god because when we do we will never be happy—regardless of how
much we have. We know this is true because in the past few years, several billionaires have died, and most were still trying to earn more money. Someone in Dallas asked how much money Howard Hughes had left and got this answer: “He left it all.” That’s the amount each of us will leave, isn’t it? It’s all right to get money—lots of it—as long as you get it the right way and you don’t let the money get you.

  Most people don’t have money because they don’t understand it. They talk about cold, hard cash and it is neither cold nor hard—it’s soft and warm. It feels good, and it’s color-coordinated to go with any color you might be wearing. Not once has the Redhead ever had to change outfits because what she was wearing would not go with what I was carrying.

  Occasionally I will hear someone truthfully say they really do not want to earn large sums of money (ministers, teachers, social workers, etc.), but, generally speaking, any person who says this will lie to you about other things, too.

  Yes, a well-paid individual will be quite comfortable in the philosophy of this book. By the same token, the service-oriented person will also find much encouragement and comfort in the “Zigmanship” philosophy. So, keep reading—regardless of your status at the moment.

  CHAPTER 4

  Causes of a Poor Self-Image

  THE FAULT FINDERS

  If self-image is so important, why do so many people have a poor one and what are the causes? I’m convinced that a poor self-image starts with the fact that we live in a negative society and deal constantly with negative individuals. Any scanning of the news will verify this. Typical comments from the “average home in America” repeatedly reveal that negativism prevails. An overweight person sits down at the table and says, “Everything I eat turns to fat.” A housewife who is a lousy housekeeper views the “wreck” when she arises in the morning and comments, “I’ll never get this mess cleaned up.” (One lady was so bad Good Housekeeping canceled her subscription. Her husband might have been luckier than “this old boy down home,” though. His wife was so fastidious that if he got up for a midnight snack, when he came back to bed she had it made.)

  The businessman walks in his office, or the laborer steps into his shop, and often comments, “Boy, I’ll never get this work done today.” A child comes home from school and says, “Dad, I’m afraid I flunked that arithmetic test,” and his dad might say, “Don’t sweat it son, you’ve come by it honestly. I never could learn that stuff either.” A mother sends her child off to school and cautions her, “Now, don’t get run over.” The weatherman on TV says we have a 20% chance of rain, or that it will be partly cloudy. Why doesn’t he tell us we have an 80% chance of sunshine and that it will be mostly fair? Ask the average person how he is doing and he will make such comments as, “Not too bad,” or “Since it is Monday (or Friday), I’m doing fine.”

  Easily the most tragic cause of a poor self-image is the influence and impact of some well-intentioned preachers, churches, and good Christian people who only preach hell, fire, and brimstone. People who preach only God’s judgment with little or no mention of God’s love stress the negative and very seldom mention the positive. They dwell on punishment and forget about rewards. Personally, if I thought God was “against” me and was out to “get” me, it would definitely give me a poor self-image.

  The second reason many people have poor self-images out of proportion to their talent and ability is simple. Their ability, appearance, or intelligence has been ridiculed or questioned repeatedly by parents, teachers, friends, and others in authority. In many cases, these hurts come in the form of insinuations and innuendoes, but they are just as real and devastating as if they were true. Many times, even a chance or unintentional remark starts the negative slide which is then fed by hurts that are real or just imagined. The net result is, we see ourselves through the negative eyes of others. If your friends, family, and associates find fault like there is a reward for it, you get a distorted picture of the real you. This segment is written to give you a newer and truer picture of the remarkable person who is going to take you to the top—you.

  In other cases, an unthinking or exaggerated series of statements has a negative effect on the self-image of a youngster. A little boy breaks something and one of the parents might typically shout, “Johnny, you’re the clumsiest boy I have ever seen; you are always dropping things.” What a burden for a child to carry. To begin with, it is not true. There is quite a difference in “dropping a dish” and “always breaking things.” Other times, the child makes a mistake and the parents will make such ridiculous comments as, “Well, what else can we expect; he is always doing things like this.” The child walks in and drops his coat or kicks his shoes off and one of the parents might be inclined to say, “Johnny, you are the roughest kid in the neighborhood. You wear your shoes out faster than anybody.” The child might start for school with his shirttail out and Mom fusses as she tells him, “You never look nice— you’re always a mess.”

  The destructiveness of this approach should be obvious, but, unfortunately, it is often anything but obvious. This information is crucial in child-rearing as well as dealing with employees. The usual devastating put-downs imply that a person is basically bad, rather than that he is a person who sometimes does bad things. Obviously, there is a vast difference between a “bad” person and a person who does something bad.

  Combine this with some phase of physical appearance (obesity, bad teeth, poor complexion, “weak” smile, bad eyesight, too tall, too short, “different” voice, etc.), lower IQ, or learning difficulty and you have all the ingredients for low self-esteem. The child then reasons that since he or she is “ugly,” “dumb,” or “inept,” he doesn’t deserve love from others. Then it follows in logical sequence that if others cannot or do not love him, that he cannot—even should not—love himself.

  Society’s emphasis on physical appearance is one of the reasons Bill Gothard, in his week-long seminar on Basic Youth Conflicts, states that no wise parent will compliment the appearance of another child in the presence of his own. This makes the child feel that the parent puts great value on physical attractiveness and that the parent feels the other child is prettier, smarter, etc., than he or she, and it tends to create a feeling of doubt and insecurity.

  When commenting on another child, the wise parent will say, “My, what nice manners,” or, “He is such an honest boy,” or, “Isn’t she helpful?” The wise parent will compliment the trait or characteristic he would like to see developed more in his own child. This is critically important because survey after survey shows that 95% of the youth of America would change their appearance if they could. In Hollywood, with its stress on physical appearance, conclusive evidence points out that nearly 100% of the “beauties” would like to alter their personal appearance, and many of them do, through plastic surgery.

  A poor self-image, formerly known as an inferiority complex, is often carried into adulthood and, if fed by a negative mate, the problem is compounded. That’s the primary reason the wise husband never comments about the attractiveness of another woman in the presence of his wife. This could lead the wife to feel that he considers the other woman more attractive than she. This has a tendency to feed an already negative self-image and helps to put the marriage on shaky grounds. Comments like, “You’re always late,” “You never do anything right,” You never cook a decent meal,” etc., those comments build neither confidence nor love. Besides, failure is an event, it is not a person—yesterday ended last night—today is a brand new day and it’s yours.

  The third cause of a poor self-image is the tendency to confuse failure in a project with failure in life. A child who fails a subject in school or who doesn’t make the team makes the mistake of identifying a single failure with failure in life itself. This is tragically reinforced many times by teachers and/or parents.

  Once the poor self-image slide starts, the natural tendency is to feed the inferiority feeling. Many people do this when they castigate themselves because they can’t remember ever
ything they hear and everybody they meet, which brings us to our fourth cause, an untrained memory. In today’s marketplace there are several marvelous memory books which will help you dramatically improve your memory in a matter of hours. To give you an idea of the tremendous capacity of the human mind, Jerry Lucas has memorized virtually the entire Bible, and wrote a book that will teach you how to do the same thing. Jerry, who knows where he is going here—and hereafter—is terribly convincing when he tells you that anyone—even you—can dramatically improve memory by using his techniques.

  For the moment, here are two warming thoughts that will give you a lot of comfort. First, a perfect memory doesn’t indicate a great mind any more than a huge dictionary, with all the words in it, represents a great piece of literature. Second, the person who can’t remember is infinitely better off than the one who can’t forget. Those two thoughts are temporarily comforting, but don’t hang your hat on them. Go buy a memory book, and learn how to develop yours. Actually, there is no such thing as a “good” memory or a “bad” memory; its is either trained or untrained. The choice of whether you train it or leave it untrained is up to you.

  BE FAIR—TO YOU

  The fourth cause of a poor self-image is an unrealistic and unfair comparison of experiences. We generally make the mistake of comparing our experience with another person’s experience. We exaggerate their successful experience and downgrade our own success. Experience has nothing to do with ability. (Experience can increase skill but that is another subject.) For example, there are over four million Australians who can do something most of us cannot do. They can drive down the left-hand side of the highway. On the other hand, if you can drive the chances are good that you can do something four million Australians cannot safely do. You can drive down the right side of the highway. This does not mean that either is smarter than the other. It simply means you have had a different experience. There are over 700 million Chinese under twenty-one who can do something you probably cannot do. They can speak Chinese. Does that mean they are smarter than you? Not at all; it means they have had a different experience. At this moment you are doing something that over five billion people cannot do. You are reading this book in English. Obviously, this does not mean you are smarter than five billion other people. It does mean you have had a different experience.